"IT'S ALIVE!"...nope, just kidding.

Ferdinand the Fig Tree quietly passed during the Winter of 2009-2010 in his 10 gallon plastic container on the back porch after a short-lived existence of Miracle-Gro and faucet water.

Born somewhere in the local area, date/year unknown, to Pepe and Catarina Fig Tree, Ferdinand was an excellent example of "survival of the fittest" in his battle to withstand long periods of draught (brought on by forgetfulness of homeowners), miscalculations of Miracle-Gro to water ratios, and abandonment on the porch during multiple snow storms. During his short reign as "porch tree extraordinaire," Ferdinand went on to establish resting perches for local Cardinals, Robins, and Morning Doves as well as an intriguing and interesting plaything for Ferdinand's owner's dog. Ferdinand is not survived by anyone as he did not live long enough to sprout seedlings of his own. He will be missed by the two incompetent owners of the estate on which Ferdinand passed.

Funeral services will be held on Thursday, April 22 at homeowner's estate between the hours of 6am and 9am, when the local garbage disposal company passes through. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the National Organization for Better Education of Horticultural Needs to Inexperienced Wanna-Be Farmers.